Funny Lines - Must Read

[1] They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak! 

[2] Man: Is there any way for long life? 
        Dr: Get married. 
        Man: Will it help? 
        Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come. 

[3]Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins! 

[4]Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do? 
       Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes. 

[5]It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered. 

[6]There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it. 

[7]There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it.

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Intelligent Thoughts

[1] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.

[2] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

[3] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.

[4] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

[5] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something

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cool thought

[1] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway. 

[2] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me. 

[3] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others. 

[4] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner. 

[5] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. 

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Cool Thoughts

[1] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent. 

[2] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later. 

[3] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it. 

[4] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote. 

[5] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. 

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Intelligent Thoughts

[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving. 

[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband! 

[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash. 

[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms. 

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ANGER

 

 

 There once was a little boy who had bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he should hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down.

He discovered it easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

 

     Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all.

He told his father about it and the father suggested that boy pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that al the nails were gone. The father took his son by hand and led him to the fence. He said, ‘you have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there.’

‘A VERBAL WOUND IS AS BAD AS PHYSICAL ONE ‘

 

Nice Thought.....

" You can learn new things

at any time in your life if you're

willing to be a beginner.

If you actually learn to like being a beginner,

the whole world opens up to you."

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!!!!!!!!!! One of the best IT interviews!! !........ ......... ......... .IT 4 INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY.. ......!!! !!!!!!!!

Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.

Candidate: I am Rameshwar Kulkarni . I did my Tele Communication engineering from Baban Rao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.

Interviewer: BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had never heard of this college before!

Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an admission into it .. What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly! in 12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good college. But my father said (I prefer to call him 'baap') - "I can not invest so much of money".(The baap actually said - "I will never waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this college. Frankly speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya .

Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your engineering.

Candidate: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you know, these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate. So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took 4 + 2 = 7 years.

Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.

Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot. I think they should ban it.

Interviewer: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned.

Candidate: No, no... I am talking about Exams!!

Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?

Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I would complete it. In fact, when i flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in BEST (Bus corporation in Maharashtra ) through some relative.

Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?

Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower' education itself was so much of pain!!

Interviewer: Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms have you worked?

Candidate: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my current platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you can see I have experience of different platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are the places in Mumbai)

Interviewer: And which languages have you used?

Candidate: Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet in German, French, Russian and many other languages.

Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?

Candidate: It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a higher version than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up with a new language VD!

Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?

Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.

Interviewer: What is your general project experience?

Candidate: My general experience about projects is - most of the times they are in pipeline!

Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?

Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd. Since joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to think that Bench was another software like Windows.

Interviewer: Do you have any project management experience?

Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn't be difficult. I know Word and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to dial for International phone call and use speaker facility. And very important - I know few words like - 'Showstoppers ' , 'hotfixes', 'SEI-CMM','quality' ,'versioncontrol ','deadlines' , 'Customer Satisfaction' etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes!

Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?

Candidate: Not much. 
1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand. 
2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent. 
3. I believe in flexi-timings. 
4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear t-shirt and jeans. 
5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so as to avoid breakdown due to overwork. 
6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term  preferably 1-2 months) assignments. Personally I prefer US, Australia and Europe . But considering the fact that there is Olympics coming up in China in the current year, I don't mind going there in that period. As you can see I am modest and don't have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?

Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. Welcome to INFOSYS.

 

The fellow was appointed in a newly created section 'Stress Management' in the HRD of Infosys.

 

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